It's here. The day I've been dreading since you were born but more so the past few weeks - The day I have to let you go. The older you got the more I knew you wouldn't stay. You knew there was more out there than just your little neighborhood. Wasn't it like five minutes ago when you were Josephine's age? When I had to kneel down to talk to you? Now I have to tippy-toe to hug you. I look at you and still see this cute little blonde peanut with these beautiful blue eyes looking up at me - only now I am the one who has to look up. 2,051 miles... Really? You couldn't like.... move to Delaware or something? Ease me into this?
All I can do now is hope I did my job right. Did I? I mean, it's great that you are confident and secure enough to leave. That's what I keep telling myself. Now that today has arrived, however, I wish I kept you locked up in the house and never let you out. I have never been so full of mixed emotions in my life. There's this part of me that is the cool mom - all supportive and wants you to spread your wings and fly and then there is the other part that is selfish and self centered and is only thinking about me and how I feel about all of this. I am so happy for you but not happy for me. I am so excited of what adventure lies ahead but dread how empty I am going to feel. I can't wait to hear all about how great your doing but hoping I hear that you're homesick and want to come back. I admire the courage you have to leave but I wish you were too afraid to go. I am jealous that I didn't do it when I was your age, but even if given the chance to do it over again, I still probably wouldn't.
Are you too old for me to ground you? Can I just turn back the hands on my clock about 15 years where you didn't want to leave my side and wanted to go to Nifty Fifties for an ice cream waffle for breakfast? If I made "slimy chicken" would you stay? How about if I buy you a ferret? How about a dolphin mural on your bedroom wall? Name it!!!! I know, I know... I gotta let you go. And of course, I will let you go but that doesn't mean it will be easy. One of the hardest parts about this is that, honestly, I know you're going to love it, I know you will be fine, and I know you probably won't move back.
I'm so damn proud of you! Do you know that? I always have been. I have admired you for who you are for so long. You love hard, care deeply, and have stayed true and constant and have never veered away from that no matter what. Please don't let anything change that.
Please be safe. Please make good choices. Please trust your gut. Please know I'm just a phone call away. Please know you can always come home. Please call me. Often.... Everyday.... Twice a day... Don't forget.
Remember we are still under the same sun, the same moon, and the same stars. I am not sure when I go in for that last hug that my heart will let my arms let you go. I love you baby girl. More than you can imagine.
Love you more.